Being Whole On Your Own

The world of relationships and love is a strange and confusing one; this we all know to be true. I myself have not had an exuberant amount of luck in this area. While I have dated and have had partners, I have not been so lucky as many of my friends who have found young love that would appear to be the kind that will last. Even though my time in the relationship and dating world has not been extensive and I have spent most of my early 20’s single, I feel I have made some important observations about relationships based on the ones I have seen and paid attention to as well as my own relationships. I believe that I have found a common theme in my relationship studies that can make or break a couple – whether or not the two beings involved in the relationship are whole and complete on their own.

You see, all too often I have seen acquaintances and friends rush into relationships because they are desperately searching for a piece of themselves that they feel is missing and they feel they might find that piece in another human. Sometimes, we as humans seek our own happiness within another person. Sure, being in a relationship, being able to have someone to spend time with and so forth can certainly make us happy. I have found, however, that when one or both people in a relationship draws their source of happiness and sense of wholeness from a person outside of themselves that the relationship is bound to be turbulent and may ultimately end in broken hearts. By making another person your soul source of happiness and stability, you place fragile conditions on your own well-being while also unfairly placing an enormous responsibility on your partner.

I would suggest to you that in order to be truly happy in a relationship and in life, we must first find happiness within our own selves. We must accept the people that we are as individuals, and love the people that we are as well. One must find contentment and joy in our qualities, characteristics, and true inner selves and be able to enjoy life as a whole and independent being. Have you ever met that person who seems to have everything going for them but for whatever reason is single, yet they seem so confident, beamingly happy, and truly free? Furthermore, have you met that couple that is so great together and seems so much in love, but both of the individuals in that relationship are completely strong, independent, and happy on their own as well? These are the people who have found strength within themselves and have embraced a joy-filled life on their own without placing conditions on other beings.

When we can become these people above, we are then whole beings all by ourselves. Once we have found ourselves as complete, we may then find another being to share life with. When two whole and independently happy people enter into a relationship, their happiness is amplified by one another. Already separate joy filled creatures, they reflect their joy in each other and this allows them to shine even brighter. And yes, they will obviously be happy to be together. The difference, however, is that their happiness is not solely bound to the other. If it ends for whatever reason, while there may be sadness and heartbreak, each person is still a whole being that can continue on in life finding their own way and enjoying it too.

Look, I am certainly not a relationship expert, but from what I have seen of relationships the ones containing two whole beings are the ones that last and flourish. I think that it is vital for us as people, especially many of us youngsters out there still looking for love, to spend time alone and discover who each of us is, embrace ourselves, and be able to feel happy even on our own. So whether or not you are single or with a lover, I encourage you to embrace your own being and draw happiness from within. Be the whole person that you are and enjoy you.


  1. Epi B says:

    Makes total sense. Don’t be with someone who reduces you to a half that is incomplete without the other. Nothing wrong with being two individuals in close harmony. Doesn’t mean there is less love involved.


  2. Jenny Yoczik says:

    I loved your post!!! You truly are wise beyond your years. I completely agree with your observations. Remember, whatever you put out into the universe is what you will attract. So strong, healthy & happy beings will ultimately attract other strong, healthy & happy beings.


  3. Pingback: Recipe Review: Giada’s Creamy Linguine with Lobster and Bacon | Johnny La Pasta

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